I made it through my first sunday in the “college age ward!” I think that is quite the accomplishment.
A trend in my “post college graduate” ward was Sacrament DIDN’T EVER start on time. We sure tried on many occasions but yet we failed and were ok with this. In my mind I knew this would not take place in the new ward. So I actually made a point to be early, ok 5 minutes wasn’t to early but I wasn’t wanting to make myself visually appealing to the bishopric or a calling would be sent my way.
I of course made my way onto the back row and noticed the awful truth. I could easily be called “cradle robber” if I tried to date many of the people in the ward. Epic Fail! I’m not jail material. To my great fear I also noticed that I no longer attend church in a standard building, we were in a classroom setting there in the institute building. I mean I’ve attended church in mobile homes and standard buildings but this is different. I won’t let it get to me. Moving on...
Sacrament get’s going and people are still sitting out in the halls. Even with 3 classrooms joined into one large room we still have no room for all. I foresee this creating a race to the back row every week. No showing late for me. We begin the ordinance of sacrament and make it all the way to the water with no issues. Just when I thought it was safe I eat my words. 3 out of the 4 guys are lined back up to be motioned to return to the front after passing the water. One guy still continues to pass the water and has 3 rows left. All of a sudden up stands one of the bishopric members who get’s on the mic and says, “Now is there anyone out there who has not yet had the chance to partake of the sacrament?” This is when I get in trouble. I have been known for not censoring my thoughts from time to time, yeah I didn’t this time either. I had a bad case of "Verbal Vomit." In my mind I thought I was thinking it but nope out loud I said in response, “Uh No! They are still passing it to a few rows!” Oh man as soon as the words exited my mouth I knew I was in trouble, that was not kept inside. At least 4 rows in front of me heard what I said and the people sitting on either side of me slide away from my seat. I was a deer in a field of hunters. If anything I made it possible for me to NOT receive a calling.
The speakers were all good, however there in one person who has two voices. I would like to call him”vantrillo-man.” He has a “announcement” making voice and then a “giving a talk” voice. It might have something to do with the age range of children in my ward but man alive he was talking like he was reading a bed time story to a 5 year old.
Sunday school was un eventful. I did find someone else from my former “post college graduate” ward to sit with and that saved me. A buddy of mine ditched out on the first sunday due to a trip (I think it was strategically planned that way, TOTALLY JUST KIDDING FRIEND) so I was glad I ended up finding others to sit with. When it came time to attend 3rd hour of meetings there the only 4 of us from the “post college graduate” ward all sat by each other in the far back corner of the room. We officially became the outsiders. I’m hoping it makes us as cool as the “Outsiders” from the book and movie, although I don’t want to be Emilio. Oh and heaven forbid we get deemed “Lost Boys.” That movie was not a happy movie. The lesson given was very fitting for the start of a new college semester... “Chastity and Morality.” Both the bishop and his wife spoke. In their talks though we were informed that they’re 17 year old son would be attending out ward. (Great it keeps getting younger and younger.) I was highly entertained during these two lessons as you could see the couples in the ward do the awkward hand/hug release and slowly, (don’t want to bring attention to you,) separate and slide away from each other. If I wanted to I probably could have sit between several of them by the time the lesson was over.
Finally there are two other topics that I feel the need to relate to you. Institute sign up and the “friendship council.” Our ward has a goal, and according to the bishopric it will happen, of 100% institute sign up. I feel very bad for this as I wont be signing up, but you can pretend I’m not in the ward cause us old people don’t count. What per se is the “Friendship Council?” Well from what I can tell it is a made up calling just so that everyone has a calling. From what I gather it will involve being super annoying and perky trying to talk to everyone and smile a lot! This will be a fun post I hope for in the future.
Next Sunday night will be an interesting post... FAST SUNDAY! Don’t worry I wont ever make fun of a testimony as that would be sacrilege but I being in a college ward this will give me a better look at the “key players.” Every ward has them and this one isn’t exempt. Maybe we will have “Emotional Sally,” “Recently Moved From Home Dan” “Repeat Offender,” and the list goes on.
Catch you next week!
