The Mirror Likes Humor

I may not be the most fashionable person, ok maybe my friends would beg to differ, but seriously the fashion of LDS culture can be mind boggling.  The fashion of LDS Utah culture can be even more eventful in the mind boggling category.  Although who am I to judge I mean I’m not a certain person with the last name of Klum telling people that they are “in” or “out.”  Needless to say the following all is "out" in my book.

While I understand the importance of self expression and so forth I also understand the term, “too much.”  I don’t think a great deal of people have learned that word yet from the physical evidence I have gathered with my own two eyes in church.  

Exhibit A:  Two weeks ago I was in my “college age ward” and it was brought to my attention by my friend that the guy in front and to the left of us appeared to have on suspenders.  There is NOTHING wrong with suspenders.  In fact I own a few pairs of them, the problem lies in the way he wore them.  He wore pin stripe pants, a white standard church shirt, vest over the shirt, and then the suspenders were not even on him correctly.  They were hooked to his pants but he had them off his shoulders like he forgot to put them over his arms.  It didn’t stop there either.  Upon further looking we noticed he also had on a white belt, man this explained why he wasn’t properly wearing suspenders.  My translation of his attire:  “Since I love me some Cherry Poppin Daddies and their style I will wear similar things to church.  However I don’t want to look too zoot suited so I will add a belt and some boating shoes giving it a modern casual edge.  Oh man the ladies will dig me today!”

Exhibit B:  In that same meeting my friend and I also noticed the 3 bottle blondes walk in.  They sat in the front row so we never saw their faces, but that wasn’t really needed to understand train wrecks.  In Utah the hair style of most girls falls into the “un-original copy cat look.”  I like to think of it as the “Snooki of the West” look.  These girls had the overly bumped hair, extreme blonde job with intense “Bump It” action going on, the perfect example of ‘Snooki of the West.”  My friend leaned over and simply said, “going up to bare your testimony today would so be worth it if you were able to snap a picture of that.”  Don’t worry we didn’t, but the thought was there.  

and last but not least

 Exhibit C:  This past Sunday I ward shopped and attended a ward where the music leader was wearing the L.D.S. equivalent of stripper shoes.  It paid to sit close to the front, enjoy the visual.

What have you, my readers seen?

Thats all for now, later!

Leave of Absence but Not a Leave of Stories

I know I know.  Who goes and starts a new blog and then drops off the face of the earth even with such classy LDS cliches to talk about?  Well I'm the kinda person who does such things.  So I say get over it and deal for you have some things to read that are more important.

In the last semi month I have been in and out of town on the weekends for work and then with the two weekends of conferences, General Conference and the Stake Conference I have had to really search out things to post on.  

One of the weekends I was away on a workcation I attended a ward with a friend I was staying with.  Now this ward is a family ward and most of the time when I think of family ward I think of screaming devil children (yeah I'm obviously not cut out for children raising) drooling all over.  I was pleasantly surprised this was not the case in her ward.  Granted there was some noise but overall it silence.

But let's look at the current ward I and the other ones several friends attend.

In my ward sometimes the sacrament portion is LOUDER than the family ward.  I have seen my fair share of coloring books grace the presence of the "college age" ward members laps.  During the last fast and testimony meeting before General Conference I was granted the whiff of peanut butter.  Not once but twice.  First off how old are we?  Also do you not remember what you do when you fast?  And peanut butter is nasty and totally gives you away maybe next time you bring Runts or fruit snacks, just a suggestion.

While hearing stories from a friend who resides in a different ward I was told of the coloring book incident.  Two girls sitting in front of her busted out crayons and coloring books right there in the middle of relief society.  Again, how old are you?  Doodling on your note-pad is more acceptable.  I would say though if you brought an Etch A Sketch and drew a detailed portrait of one of the current 12 Apostles I will pay no mind and not say a word.

I think if anything this week we have learned that we need to watch our ages and what we are doing in church.  Plus if you want to have a date with me then give up the peanut butter.  It stinks like poo and I won't be touching hands or other things that graced a peanut butter object.